We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
