4 words: hood of his car
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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