those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
