But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
