i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
