Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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