He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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