I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
