I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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