Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
