So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
