Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
