...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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