just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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