He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
not ubering you a puppy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize