Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The struggles of a small town man whore
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
