So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
