I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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