Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize