Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
