3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
