The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize