I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
