That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
