"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
