i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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