Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
