i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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