So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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