omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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