you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
