just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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