I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
