don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
