My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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