he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize