I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
