But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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