I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
