OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need water and some morals
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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