so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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