your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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