The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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