She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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