why didn't you poke me back
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
