Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
