That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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