i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
