dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
