There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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