how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
