....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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