I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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