I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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