I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
