Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
