bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
