You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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