i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
