I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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