Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize