I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize