apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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