This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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