look no pants
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if i died would you start the facebook group?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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