Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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