never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
