There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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