I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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