So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize