I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
