someone owes me an orgasm
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
