Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
