I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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