ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
